Who the shit is this? you’re probably wondering. It’s me, Sean… you know the guy that isn’t Charles on the podcast.
Just play along.
Annnnyyyywhuuuuuue, a good ten months ago Charles had a post about horror trailers. In his initial post, he said he’d be doing one of these “as a weekly or a monthly thing.” He actually meant, as a once every ten-monthly thing.
Anyway, being the uncreative fuck I am, I’m just going to steal the idea, and the title, and do my own trailer round up. So enjoy, and look for another Trailer Roundup in about two years.
1. Ted 2
The horrifying story of a stuffed bear with a Boston accent, and his schizophrenic best friend now has a chilling sequel.
In this diabolical sequel, the talking stuffed animal from the deepest of the depths of the deep has used his dark power to convince a human woman to become impregnated and help him train a child in the art of evil. Only, Ted can’t stop there, because the world has discovered him, and wish to question his humanity; as they well should being reasoning, rational human beings. Ted (which is an acronym for “The Evil Demon”), somehow convinces the legal system to grant him a civil suit, so that he might have a public forum for which to spread Satan’s message.
Looks like an absolutely terrifying sequel.
2. It Follows
David Robert Mitchell, director of nothing you’ve seen, but that one movie you heard about that seemed pretty cool, brings us a spooky film about the dangers of having sex with teenage boys (like I need any more warnings about that! Am I right guys? guys…)
While it doesn’t seem as man-hatey as Teeth did, I’ll still give it a watch.
A lot of people thought the next (REC) would surely be (REC) Step Up 4 It, but they were sadly mistaken.
The creepy story of a man who longs to sexually dominate women. Our main man is played by Jamie Dornan, and boy what a handsome man, good choice guys. Anyway, here’s the trailer for Fifty Shades of Grey!